OLD AND UGLY

2/27/03

ACT 1

(Blue Blazer Realty)

Shee Shee: Hi, I'm Shee Shee Jin, I had a meeting with Cookie Kwan?

Receptionist: Good morning, Ms. Jin, Ms. Kwan's office is that one over there, you can go right in.

(Shee Shee enters the office)

Cookie: Are you Shee Shee Jin? Cookie Kwan, I'm number one on the east side.

Shee Shee: So I've heard! Your resumé is very impressive. So, I came to talk to you about the Sagor Mansion that your firm is handling.

Cookie: Yes, Mr. Sagor is selling it, but don't you live with him?

Shee Shee: Well, yes, and that's why I wanted to know if it would be possible to keep this anonymous.

ACT 2

(Hicopland Airport)

Shannon: Hi, I'm here to pick up Brittany Hedderman, is she going to come out of that gate right over there?

Employee: Where is she coming from?

Shannon: London, England.

Employee: She'll be coming out of gate E5.

Shannon: Bingo. Oh, I made a pun.

Brittany: Hi Shannon.

Shannon: Brittany, did your flight just land?

Brittany: No, I've... been here a while, can we go?

Shannon: Sure, we just have to go to baggage and...

Brittany: I left it all in England, I don't have anything that matters anyway.

Shannon: Brittany!

Brittany: I didn't ask for a heart to heart, I just want to go home.

Shannon: Okay, fine....

ACT 3

(Mona Lisa)

John: This sucks.

Ashley: I know it sucks. We're both right back where we started, no progress. If anything, things are worse now.

John: I know. The Yacht Club closed, the Mona Lisa's closing today, and I don't want to be subjected to Splashin' Donuts' coffee. Our jobs have been ripped from us, and on top of that we have no social lives.

Ashley: All we have now is each other. Not that that's bad, I mean, I love you as much as ever.

John: And you still drive me crazy.

Lisa: You two are depressing me.

John: Oh, Ms. Clift, I didn't realize you were listening.

Ashley: Oh, give it up, she's not your madame anymore.

Lisa: If you two want, I'll give you this restaurant.

Lisa(thinking): It's not like this place will be around much longer anyway. Alex has plans for this town.

John: No, you...

Ashley: Great! I'll draw up the papers.

Lisa: Now, I know you two have never...

Ashley: I'm a fast learner. Oh, thank you Lisa! You've made my day.

(Ashley runs out)

John: That's my Ashley...

ACT 4

(Blue Blazer Realty)

Cookie: I called Mr. Sagor and he was fine with an anonymous buyer as long as they payed cash upfront.

(Shee Shee opens a briefcase)

Shee Shee: Would you like to smell my money, Ms. Kwan?

(Cookie laughs)

Cookie: Leave the money here and I'll get you the deed ASAP.

Shee Shee: Cookie... If you don't mind me calling you that... Please don't tell Jeff I'm the one buying this house. He'd never sell it to me.

Cookie: Hey, whoever sells the Sagor House gets a paid vacation to Tortola. Who am I going to tell?

(Shee Shee and Cookie shake hands)

(Shee Shee leaves)

ACT 5

(Shannon's car)

Shannon: You're awfully quiet.

Brittany: Time difference, you know what I mean....

Shannon: Brittany, please, I mean, we're friends, we can talk.

Brittany: We never slept together until the night before he was arrested. It was the best night of my life. The best. And then I found out he was David and this future that I had in mind, this future that I'd created in the past few days, was false. And now it's like I'm back at the start, back to Hicopland, back to my empty life.

Shannon: Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of living through your job. It's what people say to do, but you really shouldn't.

Brittany: See, you don't get it. I might be pregnant.